


Riptide

by icemakestars



Category: Fruits Basket, Fruits Basket - Takaya Natsuki (Manga), Fruits Basket Another
Genre: Character Study, Drama, F/F, F/M, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, Multi, Non-Explicit Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-02
Updated: 2020-01-06
Packaged: 2021-01-16 18:44:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 9,802
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21275930
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/icemakestars/pseuds/icemakestars
Summary: nounnoun: rip; plural noun: ripsa stretch of fast-flowing and rough water in the sea or in a river, caused by the meeting of currents.Shigure is cold, and distant, his mere existence a ripple on the water. As he figures out what is important to him, everything changes, and Shigure has to wonder what he is willing to do to achieve his goals.





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> TW - 
> 
> Not marked as incest because it's sohma x sohma and i don't see it that way but the ships are tagged so you can read at your own discretion. 
> 
> Despite canon, Shiki will always be a girl. This is a reque$ted fic, and the person who it is for required as such so please don't comment about it.
> 
> This will be chaptered and, since the story is complete I have devised a schedule. 
> 
> I really enjoyed writing this and am so happy to finally share it with you!
> 
> If you wanna reque$t anything or just generally support me then message my tumblr or insta:
> 
> T - gaymirajane (fairy tail) or hatsuharuwu (furuba)  
I - mozzalong
> 
> Thanks :)

All children are selfish. Even kind ones like Tohru, innocent ones like Kisa, and reserved one like Shiki; all children are selfish at heart, because humans aren’t born with much, but they all have desires. 

In the beginning, children want love, and affection, and to be needed. Parents provide this, it’s one of the most important things that parents do, and maybe that was why so many members of the Jūnishi - the  _ Zodiac  _ \- are broken, because they are missing the thing which they need most; love. 

Shigure knew that, in some respects, he was no better than a child who lashed out after losing their favourite toy. There was maybe a time when he had been concerned about his flaw, but he had long since learned to accept it, even if that made him a deplorable man. But the truth of it was that Shigure was a selfish man, so much so that he considered it his defining trait. He was born that way, and he knew that he would stay that way until his final breath. 

The hardest part, perhaps, was adjusting to that fact, and trying to achieve a happy and fulfilling life despite his flaws. Although Shigure lacked motivation for almost everything, there was one thing he wanted more than anything else, and there was nothing he would not do to acquire it. He thought that that made him no better than a petty, petulant child, but he also thought that he did not care, because in the end it would all be worth it.

She was worth it. 


	2. One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shigure's child hood.
> 
> Akito's conception and birth.
> 
> TW - 
> 
> Vomit mention, non-graphic childbirth

It all started with a dream. Or rather,  _ the  _ dream, as it was the only one which Shigure held any real significance to. He thought that he remembered it well, but maybe it was just a fantasy, an idealised version of a memory which he had long since forgotten. But still he had to cling to it, had to cherish the meaning it had given his existence, because without it he would be floating, searching for something to call his own.

On that night, he had woken up with tears streaming down his face. For a moment he paused, touched his cheeks tentatively and wondered why he was crying. And then it hit him, consumed him, and he was running without knowing his destination, carried by instinct alone. 

Shigure felt something stir in his chest, and he focused on that, hardly registering the ground beneath his bare feet, or the shocked cry of his name from his mother as he darted from the house. He ran until his lungs burned and his feet were blistered, until he was at the main house in the centre of the Sohma compound. The spirit of the Dog was restless, its claws scraping along Shigure’s stomach, and he felt sick; overwhelmed.

Hatori was stood outside the large wooden steps, legs folded and pulled tightly to his chest. His eyes were wide and swollen, and Ayame hovered near him with his arms outstretched, but he too had tears still rolling over his pale cheeks.

It was rare that any of them showed emotion so openly, but never before had that shared the same pain. The same grief. 

Was it even sadness, or something more complicated which floated around Shigure’s chest, winding him? It was difficult to say, his young vocabulary struggling to identify something so strong and large, and yet so precious. 

“Why are we here, Shi-chan?” 

Shugure turned to the nickname only used by Kureno, was unsurprised to see the young boy with ruddy cheeks and puffy eyes, barely holding back his sobs. 

Something had happened, had changed between them. The timeless curse which bound the Sohma children had once again manifested, and they were all defenceless, left to cower at its mercy. It was bigger than all of them, that much was clear. And they were left in the cold morning breeze, confused and tired and all fighting back tears. 

“I don’t know.” 

Ayame moved towards the door, satin pyjamas shimmering in the morning light, and Shigure followed behind. There was a pull on his shirt, a small hand fisted in the material, holding on to Shigure as though he was the most important person in the world. And maybe he was to Kureno, until now. There was a weight to Shigure’s thoughts, a driving force; there was something through that door, something powerful and intimidating and with the most tender warmth which Shigure had ever experienced… and they were moments away from discovering it.

“Children. Welcome.” Akira smiled at them, always just shy of being truly affable, but Ayame had already passed the head of the family, ignoring him as another adult came into view. 

Shigure had seen her around the compound, knew her name and her face and vaguely understood her importance towards the head of the family, but there were so many people swarming around Akira, Shigure had never seen her as anything more than irrelevant. Until now.

They all crowded her, hands reaching for her stomach as the tears found them all again.

“What the fuck.” She hissed, swatting at their fingers like a cat toying with a mouse. 

“Ren, please. They are trying to tell us something.” 

Akira was always calm - almost eerily so - and he came to stand behind Shigure, slender limbs reaching around the children and allowing him to place both hands firmly on his partner’s stomach. 

“You are with child, Ren. The children of the Zodiac have anticipated it’s arrival.” Ren’s face contorted, eyes wide and mouth pulled up in a snarl. Akira squatted down onto his knees, robes pressing on Shigure from behind, and laughed airily into the young boy’s ear. “The child will be their God, will be the most important being that this family has seen in centuries.” 

“So why are they crying?” She snapped. 

“Because they are happy.” 

And Shigure thought that he was. But Hatori was shaking his head vehemently, and Kureno was whimpering, still clinging to Shigure for safety. Ayame looked ready to faint, overcome with emotion, and he was left to wonder why it was only him who derived joy from such news, when even the mother seemed ready to vomit.

A baby. 

Shigure had dreamt of light. Of warmth and peace and something more serene, which he could not place. But he did not dream of this. Something within him, the primal part of his psych which was only partly his to control, wept with grief, but he felt content.

The spirit of the dog was in pain, told Shigure that the end was drawing near, but when the young boy felt the heat radiating from the skin beneath his fingertips, he was filled with the notion that something brilliant was beginning.

*  * *

Although Shigure did not have particular feelings on most people, he had never liked Ren. Since the announcement of her conceiving the next heir, she had grown bitter, and conceited. She hardly left the main Sohma house and avoided the other Zodiac children at all costs. 

“I want to see her.” Shigure kicked stones along the wall, spite building in his throat like bile. He barely was able to swallow it down.

“She has not left the main compound in weeks, Gure-san. It cannot be helped.” 

For once, Ayame was right. That just agitated the young boy even more.

It had been almost seven months since they had last been permitted to visit Ren. Glimpses of her around the compound - tendrils of silky black hair trailing behind her growing body - were not enough for any of the cursed boys. Even Ritsu, a mere child of two, was restless and emotional. More so than usual, anyway. 

A pressure was building, expanding until all of the Zodiac children thought of nothing else during the day and dreamed of it at night. The spirits inside them were keening, clawing, preparing for change. They could sense something that their human vessels could not, and Shigure could feel the tears threaten again. 

Two maids darted passed them, whispering amongst themselves, and instantly all three boys tensed. The maids slammed the doors behind them, not even giving the children a second glance. 

“... as long as we protect the baby.” 

The words cracked like ice, and Shigure fell through them, drowning in the waters below. A chill travelled across his body, and he was running again, without hesitance, his mind unable to catch up to the speed of his body.

A scream tore through the air, almost forced the door closed as Shigure tried to hold it open. He darted through doors and down hallways, followed the cries and curses with Hatori and Ayame hot on his heels. 

A panic was bubbling within him, and when the haggard screams stopped he did as well, heart thumping and breath not coming quick enough to fill his lungs. 

Akira stood like a ghost, hovering with authority over his wife. The second the baby cried he lifted it from the nurse. Ren smiled, exhausted, stretched her arms out to cradle the life she had just brought into the world, but Akira bypassed her, turned to face the young boys who were staring, transfixed, at the bloody bundle he held. 

Behind him, Shigure thought he heard Hatori sniffle. This was it, the beginning; the end. And something in between, more complex than he could fathom. 

“A girl.” Akira said, breathless.

He bent low, presented the baby to them, and as soon as Shigure’s eyes fell on her wide eyes and tufts of curly black hair, he loved her. 

Not in a grand, romantic sense, but with purity. Innocence. She had brought warmth into his life with the dream, and now she gave him purpose; he could protect her, would be there for her no matter what that meant for himself. Whether it was the spirit deep within or his own resolve, the baby - their God - was now the most important thing to him. It was a terrifying thing for someone so young to experience, but the glee outweighed the fear, and the spirit inside seemed less uneasy than the others around him.

Ren started to cry, loud and messy, and the nurses ushered the three boys from the room. Akira stayed knelt, and the child watched them go, eyes wide and knowing for something just now experiencing life. They were dragged down the corridor, the door slammed shut behind them as they were forced outside. Shigure’s lungs felt too small, constricting in his chest, and he looked longingly at the place in the building where the baby would be, knowing that he would not be able to breathe properly until he saw her again.


	3. Two

The school holidays were long, and boring. Shigure hated them, hated how his lack of purpose became so very obvious to him. Normally he could hole himself in his room and do his work, ignoring his duties within the Sohma family and every effort his parent’s made to interact with him. Spending time with Ayame and Hatori was enough; people called them friends, and Shigure accepted it. They were interesting, and fun to tease if nothing else. Maybe there was a fondness there, but Shigure would not know how to identify it. For him, it was easier to ignore than to worry about. 

So that’s what he did, sat with a book under a tree behind Hatori’s house. The shade was good there, and when he got bored Shigure could go and annoy the other boy; there were no flaws. Apart from the fact that Hatori spent more time working than anyone else their age, reading medical journals and studying every illness within the family at that time. Shigure was being forced to entertain himself, and the frustration was growing intense. 

With a groan, Shigure threw the book on the ground. The plot was predictable, and dull; Shigure thought that he could have written it better, even at his young age. He did not know what he wanted to do with his life, thought that adult jobs were pointless, that living in the strict society he was born into was the last thing he would want when he was older. He was too young to be thinking about careers, of course, but the life of a writer interested him, in a way. Spinning tales and exaggerating events were two of his stronger points; doing that full-time sounded pleasant, if not enjoyable. It was something to explore in the future, maybe. If the family would allow it. 

There were flowers in bloom all around, and Shigure took to idly plucking at their petals, thinking about homework and assignments and how he might just not do any of them. He understood the work they were given. He did not need to prove that to anyone. Besides, Hatori always did the homework; at a worst-case scenario he could just copy from him, like Ayame usually did. Hatori complained about it, of course, but helping others was just part of his nature, no matter the cost to himself. That was what had interested Shigure about him to begin with. 

As if on queue, Hatori’s voice carried from his garden. It was muffled at first, all Shigure could make out was the coarse tones he had become familiar with. But then another voice appeared, like smoke from ice, watery and without proper substance. Shigure recognised that voice immediately, too. 

“Why would you come to me to ask about Shigure, Kureno?” Hatori said.

He sounded tired, more so than usual. Shigure knew the feeling. For reasons he could not understand, Kureno had grown attached to him, always wanting to be by his side. He was old enough to know what he wanted, but too young to understand that Shigure did not share his enthusiasm, that the older boy - more than anything - just wanted to be left in peace. 

“Why doesn’t Shi-chan like me?” Kureno’s voice was pleading, emotional, but Shigure did not feel anything other than frustration; the younger boy did not understand. Shigure liked few people, but he disliked even less. For the most part, all Shigure could muster was indifference. 

Kureno was no different. 

“Shigure… is like a ripple on the tide.” Hatori tried, slowly. “The closed you get to him the further he pulls away.” 

There were sounds of movement, of fabric shifting and skin pressed against on skin, and Shigure knew that Kureno was now sat in Hatori’s lap. Although the zodiac’s dragon was not overly fond of physical contact, Ayame had always described him as ‘patient’, and ‘kind’. Shigure wondered if that made the most stupid of all. 

“He lets Akito-sama close to him.” 

Kureno’s words were laced with the closest thing a child could get to jealousy, but Shigure paid it no mind. Without thinking, he pressed himself harder to the wall, wanting to be closer even to the echo of her name. 

Hatori cleared his throat, 

“Akito-san has always been…  _ special _ to Shigure.” 

An understatement, and Shigure knew that Hatori understand that. But Kureno was naive, petulant; be missed the awkward hesitancy in Hatori’s voice, focused only on the desires of his young heart. 

“I want to be special to Shi-chan, too.” 

“Give him space, Kureno. It’s for the best.” 

With a stretch and a sigh, Shigure stood. He had heard enough. Hatori’s reassurances feel dead onto his ears. The petals lay scattered by his feet, and Shigure did not hesitate to step on them. 

He walked without purpose, mind drifting from one thing to another until he found himself, as he always did, outside of Akito’s room. The window was open, her tousled hair barely visible from outside. 

Shigure coughed, smiling softly at her as she turned to face him. Silently, Akito raised her arms and Shigure obliged, lifting her from the dark room and holding her as tightly as his young arms would allow. 

* * *

Months after her birth, the children of the Zodiac were sat down with Akito and told that she would be raised a boy. Ritsu was too young to understand, but Kureno, Hatori, Ayame and Shigure all had to agree to keep that secret. It was strange at first, but the more Shigure considered it the happier he became. He knew something about Akito which the majority of the family would not be aware of; that made him special to her. And the fewer people who knew about  _ her _ , the easier it would be for Shigure to occupy her time. On most accounts the decision worked out well for him. 

The only one who was uncertain was Hatori, but he could not defy the wish of the family head.

It was accepted, and then mostly forgotten when, after their God was born, the other Zodiac children came at an alarming rate. Alarming only to the older Zodiac members, who felt the stir of pain in their gut before they could truly identify why it was there. 

The horse, the boar, and then finally the rat. Everyone celebrated, but Shigure saw Akito’s stiff shoulders and forced smile. She had been raised a God. Now someone else was being praised, was being showered with affection and praise. 

Most people saw her to be petty; childlike. Shigure would be inclined to agree, of course, but his love for her far outweighed any ill-feelings. As the adults swooned and cooed over the rat child, already able to walk at ten months, Akito was nestled into Shigure’s lap, pulling at the fraying edges of her kimono.

“You don’t love the rat more than you love me, do you Shigure?” 

He paused, pretending to chew the question over with great intensity. Akito’s gaze narrowed, her nails digging sharply into Shigure’s forearm, and he laughed. She was so obvious, so easy to play with. Maybe that made her more lovable, or more dangerous, or maybe it just made it easier for Shigure to get his way. He took a section of her hair and pressed it to his lips.

“You should know by now that I love you the most, Akito.”

The girl smirked, satisfied, and stretched her limbs out around Shigure’s body.

“Ayame said the same, said that he would rather spend time with me than the rat.” 

Shigure hummed, 

“That’s a little heartless about his own brother, don’t you think?”

“No.” Akito snapped. “The bonds shared between the Zodiac and your God are more important than any family ties. No matter what that woman says.” She spat, and Shigure thought it sad that a child so young could hold so much contempt for their own mother. But it left a space to be filled, love and nurturing which went unprovided and Shigure was grateful that he had the opportunity to fill those gaps. He was grateful, simply, that Akito needed him.

“Isn’t the rat supposed to be the closest of all of us to God?” 

“Yes, and when he is old enough I will spend more time with him than anyone.” She wrapped her arms around his neck, head tilting to the side. “Does that make you unhappy, Shigure?” 

It did. They both knew that. He smiled at her, so slow that Akito looked away, over his shoulder. 

“Whatever makes  _ you _ happy, Akito.” 

She scoffed, pushing herself from his lap and glaring over at where the adults were still fawning over the rat child. He knew that she would monopolise the rat… and then she would destroy him. Because to Akito the Zodiac were nothing more than her playthings, even if she did love them in her own obscure way. It was a dependency, childlike and sincere, because Akito was young and alone and had nothing else other than the rest of her cursed family. 

“I can’t wait to play with him later.” She giggled, and then spotting Hatori in the distance she ran off, clinging to the cuff of his shirt as he moved around the confines of Sohma House. 

Kureno trailed behind him slowly, looking up meet Shigure’s bored gaze before looking away again, pink spreading from up his neck and dusting his cheeks. 

He had seemingly grown attached to Hatori recently, following the boy around with a scowl often cast at the ground. Shigure did not mind as long as he was no longer the centre of Kureno’s interest. He had his own goals to achieve, could not afford to be distracted by anyone else other than his God. 

The rat would prove useful to him, no doubt, when the time came. Even if it was Ayame’s brother, Shigure would let Akito destroy the lives of every child of the Zodiac if it meant that she came back to him, and he was prepared to do anything - become anything - to ensure that that happened.


	4. Three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW for the mess which is kureno x akito and ren x shigure.
> 
> there is also some mildly explicit sex in here, too. 
> 
> This chapter is where I, personally, hit a stride with this fic. I actually love this and how I wrote shigure; i hope you all do, too.

The shift happened without Shigure noticing. Or maybe he did notice and did not care to question it. What Kureno did, where and why and who with, were all matters which were of no concern to him. Unless they involved Akito, that is, but by the time he had realised what was happening, it was already too late. She was thirteen; Kureno seventeen. They were hardly ever separate. To Akito then, Kureno was the epitome of affection and strength, there for always without qualm or question. The relationship wias the opposite of symbiotic, destructive to both parties, and all Shigure could do was watch as everything crumbled around him. 

How long had it been since Kureno had met Shigure’s gaze? When was the last time that Akito had chosen him over the rooster? Shigure had been so self-assured of his devotion to their God, he had assumed that it would be enough. 

He was wrong.

It was bearable during the year, because he could avoid Kureno during the day and sneak in to see Akito at night. She slept, mostly, and he watched her, content simply to be so long as it was with her. Akito was restless in her sleep; fitful, face pinched up and lips crying out. She looked like her mother. Shigure loved her. It was all too simple, perhaps, and he should have been prepared for it to change… but he wasn’t. 

Akito was eighteen and Shigure was just shy of his twenty-fifth birthday. It was new year, his least favourite day, because he would have to sit opposite Kureno and Akito and pretend that his heart didn’t blacken with every look they exchanged, or every time their hands brushed. 

Each Zodiac animal was present, as was tradition. This also meant that the cat was left outside, alone, as everyone else partied. Shigure did not give him a second thought. 

“That was a beautiful dance, Isuzu.” Shigure flicked out his fan and tilted his head back, sighing dramatically. “To think we are now blessed with three cute girls in the Zodiac.”

“Four.” Kagura snapped, and for a moment Shigure was panicking, scared that Akito’s secret had been revealed and she would slip further away from him. But then the boar nodded across the room where Ritsu sat, curling and uncurling his hair nervously, completely oblivious to Kagura’s remark. 

He nodded slowly,

“Right.”

Before the discussion could go further, Akito stood, stretched out her aching limbs and then curled gracefully into Kureno’s lap. She addressed them all, gave them a similar speech about bonds and spirits that she gave every year, but it all fell deaf onto Shigure’s ears. 

Kureno eyed her fondly, but not with the same ardent affection which Shigure had always offered. So why? He knew that he was petty, and immature, and lacked the level-headed assurance that Kureno provided, but his love was honest. It was probably the only thing about Shigure that  _ was _ . 

He could feel Hatori’s eyes on the side of his head, worried for the sake of his friend but also concerned about how he may react, and how it might affect those around them. Shigure shucked off his gaze, folded up his fan and rose to his feet. 

“Where are you going, Shigure?” Akito asked, a sneer barely concealed in the false folds of her smile. He returned it with ease, gesturing to the room around them. 

“Everyone is here for you, Akito. Surely you don’t need me?”

He did not wait for a reply. 

The air outside was cool, and he regretted not wearing a jacket over his traditional robes. The compound was dimly lit, almost eerie during the night, and when a voice breathed on the back of his neck Shigure tried not to show how startled it had made him. 

“Care to join me for a drink?” Her voice was syrupy, an octave higher than Akito’s but harbouring the same arrogance and disdain. He recognised it, of course, and turned to smile at her. 

“If you insist, Ren.” 

* * *

He knew that Akito did not know about his meetings with Ren because she had never mentioned them. There was not much to mention, really; they drank, and they talked, and occasionally Ren’s hand would find itself on Shigure’s thigh and he would excuse himself for the evening. 

Maybe he did not want to hurt Akito. Maybe he did. Or maybe this was his twisted way of gaining her attention, of showing her that he was capable of being wanted, too. Shigure was wounded because she had chosen someone else over him, and he was determined to make Akito acknowledge that. Still, he cherished those nights where he could slip into her room and shake off any facade. Akito knew who he was, and how he could be, and yet she had always accepted him. He did not know if that made him love her, or pity her. 

When he tried her door for the upteenth time in a succession of nights, it was open, which was more than a little peculiar. Shigure did not think too much of it, knowing that Akito could be on the forgetful side, and pushed into the room as he had done countless times before. The window was open, a breeze spreading throughout, and Shigure moved slowly as not to wake the bundle in the corner of the room. As he drew closer, his steps faltered, eyes widening as everything fell horrifically into place.

Akito was nestled into Kureno’s side, the pale expanse of her neck arched up in the air, her breasts exposed to the nighttime chill. Kureno was in a similar state, naked thigh outside of the covers, and Shigure felt sick. This was the first time he had seen Akito so intimately, but it was wrong. Against her wishes, and with another man. Everything Shigure had feared. 

Part of him wanted to scream, to smash the room and take Kureno by the neck. But his anger was quiet; simmering. It slept just below the surface and bubbled just enough to be fresh in his mind.

Shigure shut the door behind him, allowed himself a moment to breathe. This was planned, deliberate, a test from Akito to see how he would react. 

He would not lose to her. 

Ren was in her usual place, leaning against his front door, waiting for him. She wore a red kimono, loose over her shoulders and exposing the black slip underneath. Her body was lean; agile. Age had been kind to her, and if Shigure focused he could see Akito’s likeness in the pale complexion and inky hair. 

Wordlessly, he kissed her, pulling her inside roughly and pressing her into the door as it shut behind them. The anger and hurt and betrayal bled out of him, an open wound he did not know how to close, and Ren accepted it all with grace, lacing her fingers into Shigure’s hair whilst still keeping him at arm's length, always mindful of the curse. 

There was no intimacy there, and even if he could hold her, Shigure knew that there never would be. Ren was a spiteful creature, her only goal was hurting Akito. In that moment Shigure could do nothing other than help her succeed. 

Shigure stalked through his house, feeling Ren’s presence behind him. His room was messy, as it always was, with books and manuscript littering the floor and every surface. He pushed clothes from his bed and gestured to the mattress. 

“How romantic.” Ren laughed, and Shigure could not help but roll his eyes. 

“You don’t strike me as a woman who wants to be wooed.” 

She let her kimono slide to the floor, stepping from her shoes and inching towards the bed. 

This was not his first time with a woman, and that experience allowed Shigure to understand that there were ways around the curse. 

He took her from behind, fast-paced and messy, not wanting to prolong this anymore than necessary. 

“Doggy style. How… appropriate.” Ren sneered, pushing her hips back to his every movement, but they were not synchronised, everything feeling somehow out of place. Out of order.

Ren flicked her hair across one shoulder, neck bent low enough that her breathy pants were tangled in the sheets beneath her, and in that lighting with that person, Shigure could easily mistake the shorter hairs as a bob-cut, and hear his name in a slightly deeper, more familiar tone. Their builds were similar enough, and although Shigure longed to feel her breasts under his fingertips and ponder the resemblance they would have to Akito’s, he was grateful that Ren’s face was shielded from him. She and Akito held a likeness, but it was not enough. Her expression was sharper than Akito’s, less vulnerable, always calculating an opportunity to stir the main compound into disarray. Shigure recognised that sentiment at least, understood how chaos would be interpreted as fun, but their goals were different… in some aspects. In others they were frighteningly similar. 

As long as Shigure could remember, Ren had been obsessed with the Zodiac children, tormenting Akito about the relationship she shared with them. She deemed it fickle, a figment of their collective imagination, and as such Ren wanted to break the curse and force the ties that bind to fall apart, to scatter like ash into the night air. Shigure knew then that that was what he wanted as well. The bonds which tied Akito to the others - Kureno included - were also what was keeping Shigure at arm’s length. He did not care about breaking the curse, he was simply driven by base desires, like a child; he wanted Akito. He wanted her to want him. And curse or no curse, that was not about to change. 

As soon as they were finished, Ren was on her feet, dressed in nothing but a smirk, and Shigure did not know if he regretted it or not. She pulled her clothes on with haste, clearly excited to lord it over Akito, to prove that her bonds with the Zodiac were more fickle than they appeared. For Shigure it was the exact opposite. He loved Akito in a way that he did not think possible of himself. It was his greatest weakness, and seemingly his only redeeming quality. The duality of that contradiction gave him whiplash, and he rolled onto his side to light a cigarette. 

“I’ll see you later, Shigure.” 

“I wouldn’t count on it.” 

Ren left quietly, without another word. He was grateful for that, at least, because a headache was forming between his temples and he just wanted to be left in peace. 

He fell asleep sometime after that, a restless slumber filled with blurred shapes and convulsing shadows. Shigure knew that it was time to wake when the slamming of doors could be heard, accompanied by a familiar screaming. 

“Good morning, Akito.” He addressed her just as she swung the door open, almost taking it from the wall in her anger. 

“Why?” Her nostrils flared, eyes wide and puffy with tears. Shigure was pleasantly surprised to find her alone, but it was clear that Akito had simply been too fast for her companion. Kureno appeared behind her, panting, and Shigure slipped out of bed, holding back a smirk when the other man flushed at the sight of his naked body.

“Why what, Akito-sama?”

She knew him well enough to recognise the nickname as a snide joke, and if Kureno had not held her back she would have flown at him. 

“Why that woman? Why was I not good enough for you?” Akito snarled, thrashing against Kureno’s restraints.

“You were always enough for me, Akito. I never asked for anything more.” He collected his scattered clothes nonchalantly, refusing to meet Akito’s erratic gaze.

“Then why did you fuck that whore?” 

It was rare to see Akito angry enough that her proper upbringing slipped away, and that was amusing enough to Shigure. It almost made the entire situation worth while. 

“Isn’t it obvious?” Shigure began to dress, slowly and calmly, drawing out the silence until Akito’s anger bubbled and she screamed at him once again. “Because you slept with Kureno.”

Akito’s body stilled, and Kureno’s grip on her eased slightly. 

She breathed deeply through her nose, and when she opened her eyes once again her gaze was steely. The spirit inside Shigure coward from it.

“The members of the Zodiac are mine to do with as I please. It is none of your business, Shigure.” Akito spat his name like it was poison on her tongue, leaned back against Kureno for support. He cradled her gently, and Shigure felt like grabbing Ren and taking her once again for all to see, if that was what it took to make Akito understand. Yes, he belonged to her. But he wanted the same in response, to know for certain that his God would also be his wife. 

“That seems a little hypocritical, Akito. Are we not to have a life of our own?” 

Akito’s jaw clenched,

“You want your own life? Fine. Get out.”

He blinked at her, looked from Akito’s stone face to Kureno’s horrified one.

“Akito, maybe-” Kureno tried, but she struck him sharply against the jaw, turning to face Shigure and screaming,

“Get out!”

Shigure nodded, allowed his shoulder to drag against Kureno’s as he pushed passed the pair. Outside, Hatori stood waiting for him, smoking a cigarette and shaking his head.

“You’ve really gone and done it this time, Shigure.”

The man smiled in response, flicked his fan open and headed for the entrance of the Sohma estate. As he walked, Shigure looked up at the sky and wondered, with equal amounts of excitement, anticipation, and trepidation, what the world outside could offer. 


	5. Four

Despite not being present in the main compound, Shigure had managed to keep relatively good relations with the other members of the Zodiac. He saw Hatori and Ayame whenever he could, and the younger members did not understand why he had left to begin with, so not much had changed there. Not that Shigure was in the habit of spending an abundance of time with the cursed children, so when Hatsuharu had sought him out one bleak Sunday morning, Shigure was nothing if not shocked.

“Please get Yuki out of here.” Hatsuharu asked, head bent almost to his knees. He was an earnest boy, and although he rarely showed emotions on the exterior it was clear that he felt them, and deeply.

Shigure laughed, placed his hand on the boy’s head until he glanced up. 

“Only if you call me ‘Sensei’ from now on.” 

He wasn’t being serious, that much would be clear to anyone else, but Hatsuharu was special. He saw the good in people, and honestly believed that Shigure would make good of his promise. It was pitiable, how naive children could be. 

“Of course, Sensei.” 

Children were selfish, acted on their desires without thinking ahead to the consequences. In this case, Hatsuharu was being selfish on the account of someone else, and Shigure felt that that was admirable in it’s own way. 

He sat back, took a long drag of his cigarette, and watched as Hatsuharu left as quickly as he had arrived. 

Maybe it would not be so bad, having Yuki live with him. Shigure did not think that he was lonely, really, but that did not mean that he would not appreciate more company. And even deeper than that, allowing Yuki to leave would pull another pawn from Akito’s game; she would let him go, as she had let Shigure go, purely to prove to Ren that they would all come back to her. 

He stubbed out his smoke and stretched out his limbs. Yuki would be in that room, where he always was when school was not in procession. Shigure paused just before the door. He had always hated this room. Even when the doors were open it was dark, as though light itself was too afraid to enter those four walls. 

Yuki was curled in the far corner, not even able to lift his head at the sound of Shigure entering. 

He did not crouch, condescending, in front of the young boy; Shigure had more respect for him than that.

“I’m going to get you out of here, Yu-kun. If you’ll let me.”

At that, the boys head rose slowly. 

“What do you mean?” His voice was hoarse, his eyes red, pupils dilating to cope with the light.

“How would you like to live with me, on the outside?”

Relief flashed across Yuki’s face, so strong and raw it was almost painful. It was gone in an instant, replaced with something more sour, more reminiscent of the life Yuki had already led. He looked on the verge of tears, and Shigure wondered if hope was the greatest curse of all.

“Why? You’ve never really liked me, Shigure.” 

It was true that Shigure had once resented the rat for spending so much time with Akito, but for the most part he had always been as neutral to Yuki as Ayame had been. That had changed recently, with maturity, but it was more complicated than that. Perhaps even too complicated for Shigure to explain, especially to a child who was already scared, lost, and entirely alone.

“I’m not just doing this for you, Yu-kun.”

And that was true, at least. Removing the rat from the main household would benefit him by hurting Akito, and Hatsuharu had asked so nicely. Besides, Ayame would want him to look after his brother, if he could. 

“Let me guess, Ayame asked you to rescue me?” Yuki spat the name out as though the mere notion of family was toxic to him. Shigure had met his parents; he could understand why. 

In that moment, Yuki looked just like Akito, and it was almost disturbing how much of herself she had instilled into such a young vessel. Judging by the undiluted fear in Yuki’s eyes, he recognised it too. 

Shigure extended his hand out. Yuki accepted it. 

He pretended not to hear the sob, ripped from Yuki’s lungs, as they stepped together into the light.

* * *

First Yuki and Kyo, and then the other Zodiac children. All of them were completely taken in with the presence of Tohru Honda. She was an altogether unremarkable girl, her only interesting quality the way that she was always  _ herself _ , and how that was enough for everyone. 

In many ways, she was like a true God. Tohru was a soothing, balmy touch on the pain of the cursed souls. She provided warmth, a guiding light to help them find peace, and it was inevitable that she would be loved by the Sohma family. And that was why Akito hated her. She tried so hard to be wanted and respected by the members of the Zodiac; Tohru accomplished those goals simply by existing.

Shigure did not mean to put her in danger, and although it was his intention to use her kindness to his own gain, he would have taken her in regardless. Shigure was selfish, but that did not make him a monster. He would not leave a young girl alone in the cold. 

As time passed, Shigure actually surprised himself; he came to care of Tohru, in his own peculiar way. Yuki and Kyo, too. There was a satisfaction to watching the three of them grow, a paternal streak which Shigure had not known existed. It just made him miss Akito more. 

Inviting her to the summer house was cold of him, and although Shigure wanted Akito to see how the Zodiac children could flourish without the Sohma’s tyranny, he wanted to see her as well. He always wanted to see her. 

It rare for them all to be together, and this was as close as they would get before New Year came around again. Ayame was banned from the premises, Kagura and Ritsu had embarked on their own secret get-away, and Isuzu should be in the hospital, if they were able to keep her there. But since Akito arrived, it felt more formal, like a true gathering of the Zodiacs. Shigure almost pitied Tohru and Kyo’s presence. 

Akito had come, had monopolised the Zodiacs and then she had hurt Kyo, and Momiji. She had hurt  _ Tohru _ . Worse of all, Akito had brought Kureno with her, for no other reason than to show Shigure how close they were when he was not around. Hatori did not speak his thoughts aloud, but it was clear in the way that a cigarette never left his lips, and how he did not meet Shigure’s gaze. Hatori blamed him. 

The man who had given up on his own happiness, who had dedicated himself to watching over the next generation… it was perplexing, why Hatori was still friends with Shigure and Ayame. Although the latter was a simple idiot, and lacked the sinister undertones of the former, he was still exhausting. Shigure saw the purple bruises under Hatori’s eyes and almost felt sympathy.

“Will you be accompanying Akito back to the main house tomorrow, Ha-san?” 

They were smoking, as they usually were, stood in the doorway of the chalet to keep out of the warm summer rain.

“I assume so.” Hatori stubbed out his cigarette, only half smoked, and left the other man standing alone. 

It was strange for a doctor to smoke, Shigure thought. Hatori spent so much time caring for others, he always seemed to forget that he was important, too. Still, Shigure was grateful that Hatori never tried to make him quit. Shigure had never been good at doing as he was told. 

He followed the doctor inside, abandoning his own smoke, wondering if it would be best to follow the head of the family home, or to remain in the summer house with the other Zodiacs.

“I know what you’re thinking, Shigure. Don’t come back with him.” 

Even after all these years it still felt odd to refer to Akito as masculine, especially when Shigure thought that she was so beautiful. 

“What ever would make you think I’d like to?” Shigure held his hand to his chest, gasping in a display of dramatic innocence. 

Hatori rolled his eyes,

“Ren has been restless recently. She asks about you more than Akito would like.” Hatori slipped off his shoes and padded to the settee, where he had abandoned his novel. “Given the events of today, I believe that it would be better if you stayed away for now.” 

He picked up his book and began to read as though Shigure was not even in the room. He squinted, recognising the title and author as someone from the same label as him, someone he knew personally. Their work was relatively bland, but Shigure had never been fond of teen romances. That was why he wrote them.

“Whatever you say, Ha-san. The last thing I would want to do is hurt Akito.” 

Hatori’s eyebrows raised, and he grunted out a humourless laugh. Shigure moved to sit opposite him, fluttering his ornate fan and tilting his head so that it rested on the back of the chair. 

The air was thick, humid, filling with something sticky and unpleasant which Shigure could not place. Did not want to. He recognised this unmistakable feeling from childhood, a mixture of the unknown and a nostalgia which did not belong to him. 

The dog spirit was cowering, and that was how Shigure became certain that a storm was approaching. 


	6. Five

Akito was not always honest. She did not lie, not like Shigure did, but sometimes she withheld information, kept everything close to her chest until everyone around her was begging to be told what happened next. And that was how she liked it, being in charge. So when Shigure was heading home, peacefully oblivious, and was met by an unusually terrified Hatori… that was enough to scare him, too. 

“Have you seen Akito?” His words slurred with how fast he tried to emit them, but Shigure knew that there would only be one person who could curse such a panic within the Zodiacs. 

He shook his head. 

“Why did he leave the main compound?” 

“She’s stabbed Kureno.” 

Hatori never referred to Akito by her birth gender; none of them did. But he was concerned for her safety, scared by her actions. Shigure has never seen him so out of control, even after everything that had happened with Kana. 

He rested his hand on Hatori’s shoulder, 

“You’ll cover more ground in your car than on foot. I’ll keep looking here.” 

Hatori nodded quickly and then rushed back the way he came, passing a startled Yuki as he went. The severity of Hatori’s expression had Yuki’s brows knitted together, and Shigure waited impatiently for him to catch up so that he could explain. 

“Why was Hatori here?” 

Before Shigure could explain, the bushes behind them rustled and parted, and then Akito appeared, covering in tears and blood and her own vomit. 

“Please, you have to help her!” 

Immediately she clung onto Shigure, and his heart clenched at the sight of her. A woman so beautiful, so full of grace, who was now unhinged. Senseless. He could not understand who she meant. 

“The cliff. It crumbled. She fell.” Sobs wracked her again, frail body heavier against Shigure’s chest. “She’s fallen so far. Help her!” 

Shigure held her at arm's length, staring intensely into her wide dark eyes. 

“Who has fallen, Akito?” 

“Tohru.”

The name tumbled from her trembling lips, cracking the ground below and shattering everyone within earshot. Shigure heard Yuki stumble off in the direction of the cliffs, masked only by his own heartbeat pounding in his ears. 

He took Akito’s head between his hands, studying every inch of her watery features. 

“Did you push her?” 

Akito swatted his hands away, taking a shaky step backwards.

“What? No! Of course I- ”

“If you did Akito, nobody will be angry. We just have to know so that we can help both of you.” 

He tried to take a step towards her but she moved away again, eyes wide and brows knitted together, pleading with him to understand. 

“I hurt Kureno, and I hurt Tohru. But I didn’t push her.” Akito wiped away the fresh tears but only succeeded in smearing blood across her cheek. “You have to believe me, Shigure.” 

And he did. 

Akito did not lie, not when it truly mattered, and she seemed so afraid… he wanted to protect her. Despite everything which had happened, everything which had managed to come between them, Shigure wanted nothing more than to take her in his arms and keep her safe from the world. 

So that was what he did. 

“Come on, Akito. Let’s get you home.” 

* * *

Shigure was alone when the curse broke. 

It started off as a pulling, a pressure building under his skin, as though it was being forced away from muscle and bone. Like he was losing a part of himself. And then it hit, a despair so crippling he had to stop walking and lean against the wall for support.

“So this is how it is.” He choked out.

The spirit of the Dog, something which had been with him since birth, was saying goodbye. Goodbye to Shigure, the last vessel of the Dog, and Akito; their God. But also goodbye to life, to the everlasting promise of a banquet. Of staying together. The spirit faded, not with a bang, but a whimper, and Shigure understood what Eliot had meant. In that moment, he truly was a hollow man. 

The tears fell, and Shigure felt lost in his own body; a stain, not something permanent. In almost thirty years he had never been truly in charge of himself, and it was as poignant as it was terrifying. He was free, but he was alone. 

He thought about Akito.

It was clear that God had let go, had released the spirits from their promise of an eternal feast, and he wondered why. The answer was obvious, of course, because Tohru had changed so much within the Sohma family. It was a given that she had caused the ripples which had led to the end of the Curse. He resolved to thank her, to hold her close if only once. Shigure remembered Kyo, and the truly cursed Cat spirit, and hoped that he would be able to make Tohru happy.

Without thinking, Shigure abandoned his manuscript and headed instead to the main Sohma compound. The world seemed more vivid to him, like his eyes were seeing everything for the first time, and maybe they were, because now they were his. It was a strange feeling. Shigure could not tell if he enjoyed it or not. 

Akito was where he expected, in the courtyard. She wore plain clothes, black jeans with a black jumper, but the fit was feminine instead of masculine, and when her head lifted her lashes seemed longer, her lips more delicate. 

He loved her, loved more than it was rational to, and Shigure did not realise that he would feel such relief to know for certain that his feelings were not the product of the Curse. If anything, he loved her more now that his heart was his own; not out of a sense of obligation, like Kureno, but because she was Akito and he was Shigure and - god - he loved her. 

Shigure fell to his knees, brought Akito into his arms, and held her as she cried. 

For the days which followed, Shigure did not leave Akito’s side. He called to check on Tohru daily, and once to ensure that Kureno was still alive purely for Akito’s benefit, but for the most part he helped her prepare for the inevitable storm ahead.

“Are you sure about this?”

She nodded, painting her lips a pale peach.

“They deserve the truth, Shigure. I won’t lie to them anymore.” 

Akito’s lashes fanned out against the bronze of her eyelids, the pink and purple of her tomosode a stark change from the palette of black and grey which Shigure had become accustomed to. Dame’s rocket sprouted all around them, and as the sunlight danced in the dark of Akito’s hair, she looked more ethereal than ever. Shigure reached down to pluck a sprig of the flower, sliding it gently behind Akito’s ear, folding it under her hair until he felt it to be secure. Her eyes searched his, wide and unsure, and he smiled.

“You look beautiful, Akito.” 

“Are you sure?” 

Never had she asked for his approval before, and even now Akito looked away, pink tinting her pale cheeks. Shigure placed his hand on her cheek; his lips on hers. 

“I could never lie to you, Akito… because I love you the most.”

A rhetoric of what he had said as a child, and yet it was as true then as it was now. Akito kissed him again, slow and shy and wonderful, and their fingers found one another’s.

“Come on, they’ll be waiting.” 

Akito nodded, taking one last, shuddering breath, before pushing open the door which revealed every other member of the Zodiac, including Kyo, but not Kureno. He was still hospitalised, and already knew everything which Akito was about to reveal. Shigure watched as each and every one of the children expressed the same shock and confusion. Hatori was surprised, but not overly so, and Ayame just seemed amused. 

Listening to Akito talk, explain the curse and her parents and everything else which had happened, made everything truly feel like an ending. And it was, Shigure supposed. But it was also a beginning, and it was easier to focus on that when Akito took his hand once more, leant against him as she dismissed each and every Zodiac member one at a time, saying farewell in her own way. More likely than not, this would be the last time that they were all together in this way. Shigure felt a pull again, from somewhere within him, but he ignored it, knowing that in that moment, Akito needed him more than his loneliness did. 

She saved Yuki and Kyo for last, the cat and the rat. Both seemed to be in a state of untold shock. Akito stood in front of them, doubling over in a bow of apology. 

“I can never atone for all that has happened to you, both at my hand and from the family. But please know that the cat room will be destroyed, and that you are both free to do as you please as independent members of the Sohma family.” 

Akito stood up straight, a sorrowful smile kissing her glossy lips. Kyo seemed as though he was on the verge of tears, and Yuki was sat so still, it was unclear whether or not he was breathing. 

“If there is anything I can do for you, anything at all, please always ask. You have my word that I will always do my best for you both.” She turned to Shigure and smiled. “We both will.” 

Yuki cleared his throat,

“About university-”

“Your choice of university and course have both been approved by the head of the family.” Shigure grinned, flicking out his fan with one hand and holding Akito with the other. “Your mother has no say anymore. You can do as you please.” 

“And Kyo,” Akito began hurriedly, “there has been a trust fund set up for yourself and Tohru to buy your own property, start a business, or do whatever you please. I have extended this to any Zodiac member who would like it, but I have ensured to cover Tohru as well.”

Kyo nodded slowly, eyes glassy; disbelieving.

“Right… thank you.” He paused, but then a smile blossomed, pure and untainted by the hatred of the Sohma family. “Tohru will probably try and return it, though.” 

For the first time since the curse broke, and even much longer before that, Akito laughed.

“I’m sure she will.” 

The two young men left, and Akito slumped, exhausted, into Shigure’s embrace.

“Do you think they’ll be okay?” She sighed, and he smoothed back her hair, removing the flower and replacing it with his fingers.

“I’m sure they will. They’re all much stronger than they seem.”

Akito fell silent, and Shigure enjoyed the simple novelty of holding her close. He wondered if he would ever tire of it; he was certain that he wouldn’t.

“Do you think… we’ll be okay?” She mumbled into his chest, and Shigure hummed his acknowledgement of her question. They swayed together for a moment longer, until Shigure pulled away and cupped her cheek, running a thumb over her parted lips.

“We’ll only know if we try.” 

And when Shigure kissed her, he no longer felt like a ripple on the water, or a riptide; quick and messy and unattainable. Then, in that moment with her, Shigure felt like a boat docking for the first time, or a sailor stepping on the land and realising that, at last, he had come home. 


	7. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And........... finished :)
> 
> Again, this was a reque$t from a good friend, and I hope they enjoyed it! I hope you all did, too <3

Shigure had never wanted to a father. It was not that he was against the idea, it just simply had never occurred to him, not truly. He was too busy, or too selfish, or a combination of the two which just made the concept of children inconvenient. Children changed things too, dynamics and lives and even the way people loved; Shigure was more than content with his situation as it was now. And he had assumed that Akito was too, until he caught her staring wistfully as Kinu took Hajime into her arms, giggling as the toddler squirmed. 

“Would you like to start a family, Shigure?” 

Akito’s voice was so quiet it barely reached him, and when he turned to face her Shigure expected her to be blushing, but her gaze was earnest and wet, lips parted as though there was more she wanted to say, but just did not know how.

It was a loaded question, and Shigure knew that there were two answers to give; what Akito wanted to hear, or the truth. He had gotten far too comfortable with the former.

“If it’s what you want, of course I would.” 

In some respects, it was not a complete lie. He was nearing forty, so there was no telling how much longer he would have the stamina for a new born, so this was possibly their last chance. Akito’s face lit up, but she hid her excitement as she always did, letting her head fall against his shoulder with a sigh.

“That’s great.” 

And to Shigure’s surprise, it was.

Not ten months later and he was cradling his daughter, small and pale with tufts of black hair and eyes as curious as they were beautiful. Shigure thought that he had loved Akito with all he had, but he knew then that that was not the case; there was something within him, something extra, reserved solely for this moment. For his child.

Shiki held onto his finger like it was her lifeline, and if Shigure wanted to live for Akito then he would die for his daughter. Ren, despite all of her flaws, had been right about that; the bonds of family, bonds of love found and worked for by your own heart, were more powerful than a curse could ever be. 

A selfish man like him did not deserve this love, or warmth, but he was grateful for it. Everyday, he was grateful. So much had happened, and even more had changed, but all that darkness and fear felt so far in the past now, as though it had happened to someone else entirely. 

The nurse wheeled Akito over to him, her eyes not leaving the bundle in his arms for a second. He thought about the spirits, and the curse, and it felt like nothing more than a bad dream. To him, it was hard to believe that the curse had ever existed, because when Akito took his hand and Shiki gurgled contently, Shigure felt nothing but truly, truly blessed. 


End file.
